Sunday, March 28, 2010

Happy Hour of the Damned by Mark Henry

None of the following is hyperbole or exaggeration in any way whatsoever.

UPDATE: The Pixie and I got our competitive on while filling the hell out of the comments section of her latest entry and I'll be giving this book another go (starting at chapter three as per the recommendation of Mark himself) after I've had a bit of time to decompress and read Changes when it comes out on the ninth. Normally I'd start back up tomorrow or the next day but I won't risk being on the injured list and not being able to read the latest Jim Butcher the day it comes out.

Natasha over at recommended this book to me several times, so I finally went out and picked up a copy. For that I have to say this: what did I ever do to her to deserve that? This thing is kryptonite for straight males.

Not that I'm saying it's a bad book... I have no freaking clue if it's good, bad, or indifferent. My brain refuses to let me examine it beyond telling me it's Sex and the City with monsters. Two pages in I was ready to DNF it. I'd started having to reread each sentence at least twice, usually three to five times, to even get the words to stick in my brain long enough for the next sentence to have any context. I think it was refusing to process them out of self defense.

So far, I've managed to make it 2.1 chapters (24 pages) in. In over 24 hours. And it's taken me two shots of whiskey, four beers, and a John Wayne movie so far to even partially recover from the mental trauma. It's going to be at least another day or two before I'm able to pick any book up.

Just in case we're not clear on how badly trying to read this book hurts, here are a few things I would, with absolute seriousness, currently rather do than finish the third chapter.

  • Go to the store for tampons.
  • While at the store, have a long and involved conversation with a salesperson debating one brand of tampon vs. another.
  • Swear off Internet porn for a month.
  • Spend half an hour getting waterboarded.
  • Change all the dirty diapers at a daycare center for a day.
  • Have one of my fingers, toes, or nose broken.
  • Get kicked in the family jewels.

As of a little bit ago, I sent my copy over to a friend's wife, who's known me for quite a while now and knows my tastes in books pretty well, to read and let me know if there's any way in hell I'll ever be able to get into it enough to finish reading it. We'll see how that turns out.

~The Mighty Buzzard


WickedLilPixie said...

You totally suck. I WILL lord this over you for all of eternity. So disappointed in you it's not even funny. I never figured you'd be a quiter.

And am I in trouble? No one ever calls me Natasha unless I did something...oh fuck off...yes I did do this to you. Blame me.


The Mighty Buzzard said...

Nah, you're not in trouble. I've got nothing against chicks digging books that're written specifically for chicks. Just that, so far, they're all caricatures of everything about women that drive men batshit insane.

WickedLilPixie said...

But it gets better and more disturbing, trust me. Mark's a genius in disgusting and vulgar writing.

BTW, guess what I get tomorrow. The new Jim Butcher...oh yes my friend, I get a review copy. MUAHAHAH.

Sad that I am only on page 87 of book one. I haven't had a lot of time to read this weekend! BAH.

The Mighty Buzzard said...

See, now that's just evil. I still have to wait another nine days. Oh well, can't say you didn't give fair warning. I mean Wicked is right there in your name.

I'll give HHotD another shot after I've read Changes if me chick friend says it eventually gets guy sanity safe.

WickedLilPixie said...

Pussy. I'm sticking to that judgement. If you don't finish it, you will have to go into a pharmacy & take a picture whilst holding a box of tampons for me. Uh huh.